Uphill Writer Battles

Posted bywordsandcoffee1Posted inWritingTags:, , , , , ,

For me, writer life tends to flow in ups and downs. I’ll feel very motivated to write and I’ll grow confidence in my writing. Then, I’ll hear another rejection and I’ll lose that confidence boost. Recently, I felt incredibly dejected about my writing. I’ve been receiving rejections from agents all spring and summer for a manuscript I’m incredibly passionate about. To (ideally) mitigate that, I sent in a short story to a local literary magazine that I felt certain would be a sure fit. One of the editors is a coworker of mine; though the readings are anonymous, I’d attended a workshop with him as well as a previous release party for the magazine, so I felt that I knew a bit about his writing style and what fit with the magazine overall. Plus, I was true to my own quirky style in a way that I thought would resonate with this odd little Midwestern journal. Then, I received the email that they “couldn’t find a place for it” in the magazine. Suffice to say, I was heartbroken yet again over writing rejection. A part of me thought, Just give it up. Obviously, your writing is no good.

Publication is an uphill battle, and I am Sisyphus.

When I feel a particularly strong emotion like that, rather than fully embrace it, I start to examine it rationally. I divided my emotion from the words and thought, Is it actually true that my writing sucks and that I should just give up? If so, why have teachers and friends and parents of friends and strangers and other writers told me for decades that they admire my writing? Okay. Fair. Fact: I’m not a horrible writer. But, other fact: What I’m doing is not working. I need to find out what is missing.

In grad school, I’d felt so confident about my writing. I’d been receiving compliments left and right from fellow students and professors, I got three pieces published in literary magazines, and a publisher wanted my cozy mystery (though they later closed down mere weeks before publication and I ended up self-publishing that book). I wondered what is different now, and the answer came to me rather quickly: Community. (Duh, Sarah.)

I had a sense of community in grad school. Writers surrounded me. We had writing workshops every week. We were reading our stories for each other at coffee shops and bars. I was basically inhaling the written word in all its beauty from so many unique and intriguing people.

Can I see the forest for the trees? Well, I can see an old railroad bridge.

Was I also juggling motherhood and teaching responsibilities at the time? Yes. Was I also incredibly stressed out? Again, yes. 😂 But, somehow, despite that stress, the words were pouring out– and, apparently– doing so in the proper order to invite some small degree of mild writing success. The very atmosphere was the written word; it was easy to commune.

Since then, I’ve tried to recreate that connection. I joined a writing workshop in person and another online, but both dissolved after the initial excitement post-workshop. Someone I met who seemed interested in being a critique partner read my stories and offered positive feedback but unfortunately didn’t have the time for much critique. Another dear friend who would make a wonderful writing partner found herself in a dangerous domestic situation and she had to leave town suddenly with her kids last year. Though she and I both hope for writing and true peace in her future, she certainly isn’t in a situation to read and offer feedback at the moment. I struggle with finding critique partners online; we’ll connect for a bit, but then people get busy and drift away. There’s a writing group in a city about 30 miles away from me, but with the kids and my husband’s work schedule, it’s almost impossible to make their weekly writing groups unless I constantly hire a sitter (and justify the cost that would accrue). I’d love to start a local writing group in the town where I live, but I can’t find a way to build interest and momentum. Writerly life since grad school has been a series of temporary, disjointed connections, which is likely why my writing focus often feels disjointed.

Recently, a close friend’s husband offered to take a look at a draft of my story. He isn’t a writer but he enjoys reading and his job means he needs to pay careful attention to detail. At first, I was a bit reluctant, but then I realized it couldn’t hurt to have another, non-writer set of eyes on a piece. And, certainly, I need more writerly eyes on just about everything.

The only critique from the local journal is that the piece needed tightening. They liked everything else. I had been the only pair of eyes on my short story and, though I run a tight pacing game in my novels, the short story realm is a place where I always struggle with balancing quirky details and the plot. Even when writing flash fiction in my master’s thesis, I knew there were stories that were 90% quirky character deets and funky fluff v. 10% plot that were squeaking by due to a very kind and chill advisor. If I’d had a second set of eyes on the piece I submitted locally this spring, they would have caught the loose pace and the story could have become the sure fit I’d imagined it to be.

I can kick myself over my own shortcomings, but I think what I’m really going to do is dedicate time to writing every day and dedicate time to finding others to critique my writing. Time always seems to be in short supply, but I think it’s possible to dedicate more to our passions. If you know of anyone looking for a writing partner who doesn’t mind covering an array of speculative fiction and mystery, please send them my way. 💕

21 thoughts on “Uphill Writer Battles”

  1. Having one’s writing or manuscript rejected is massive let down for any author. Kudos to you, that you keep trying despite it all. I’m not a critiquer but I do love reading mystery and speculative fiction. 😄

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  5. I do think it is common with most of the writers, but who really comes up from all that and keeps trying is indeed what makes the difference. So, pl keep it up…your writing is just fantastic…you don’t need any validation for that.. Thanks.

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  6. I haven’t tried to publish, I think I don’t believe in myself enough to withstand the expected rejections….. but I believe in perseverance if it is something that you want to do. I think as long as you enjoy the writing along the way, it’s the journey that’s important and one day you will submit that piece that’s “just” right. I will say that I never expected to be chosen as POW on the W3 prompt – I enter because I enjoy the challenge of having a form or theme to write to. The weeks I had to chose the next weeks poet, were the toughest! So many amazing poems and to chose just one, and to know why you would chose it…. It just captures you, and sometimes not the style of poem you would think it would be. It depends on the readers mood on the day….I think we all connect with authenticity… I would say are you still writing true to yourself or trying to fit what you think is wanted …? It was a piece of advice given to me on here actually when I was first starting to write poetry…. I feel it doesn’t matter if you are not chosen, there will always be someone that loves it and connects. Keep submitting and you will find the match ….if that makes sense … 💞Suzanne

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    1. Thanks for your wise words, Suzanne! I think what I’m writing is true to myself and doesn’t fit with the expectations of what’s trendy in fiction today, which is definitely part of the problem. I find that my self-confidence is tied to my mood a lot, so I’ll feel really happy and positive about my writing some days and others I’ll feel sort of miserable and need some comforting words to keep me going.

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      2. I’d love that. I’m happy to send the first chapter of the piece I’m querying if you don’t mind taking a look. It’s about 5 pages. You can email me at wordsandcoffee [at] gmail [dot] com.

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    1. Thank you! There’s always so much to get done, isn’t there? I’m hopeful I can make my writing goals a priority since they usually get lost beneath work, childcare, and other responsibilities.

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  8. I feel ya. I used to be in this poetry website that eventually died and I felt I lost all the support from those poets but I am confident in what I create and I know that sometimes finding others you can feel a connection with is hard. Still, you do you and know that as long as you are always sharing your work, there is going to be someone who will support you. 🙂

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    1. Thank you! It is tough to find that connection with another writer, but when you have it, it’s a valuable support. I have ebbs and flows in my writing confidence, so I think I appreciate that extra support. 😊

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  9. You write very well, that’s clear to everyone who reads your posts on this blog. I know from personal experience with writing that the hardest thing for me is knowing what I want and setting objectives. Writing can be so many things. Some days, I really enjoy the experience and just want to write anything because I feel capable and find it fun. Other days I find my writing boring, and I think about writers I admire and can’t help but feel inadequate in comparison. I find my choice of words boring and I feel Like my sentences all sound the same somehow. My objectives and ambitions are never clear to me. It sounds like you’re trying to up the volume which is always good, but maybe take a piece you’re really proud of and send it to a few publications and see what happens? Or try to build some confidence back by posting here. Just don’t stop ❤️

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    1. Thank you! I appreciate the support. I should take the time to submit my writing to more places; I generally find myself strapped for time, so I won’t send things out as often as I should, and I’m sure that makes a big difference, too. The more opportunities I take, the more chances I can actually have for success. Thanks for stopping by!

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