embrace small moments
weave them into memories
a shawl of comfort
best worn in times of trial
the armor of endurance
How do you characterize an entire year? One year holds so many ups and downs, tribulations and triumphs. I think we all did this with 2020, though; nobody says, “Oh, yeah, good ol’ 2020: best year ever!” I nearly spit out my tea just imagining that nonsense.
I’m cautious against saying 2020 was the worst year of my life, though in many ways it was. It was the only year I spent dying, from diagnosis to chemo and all the rest, and a year that still haunts me from time to time. But it was also the year I survived, and the year that my youngest was born. Maybe there is no such thing as a “worst year”. 2020 was difficult.
IMHO, 2023 also leaned more toward the “difficult” category. I experienced different types of personal losses this year, including the loss of a cancer friend who was gone much too soon, and our dog, who was a special friend to my kids and I, as well as two big moves that felt like a loss of some type, first of my oncologist across the country and then of a dear friend who had to move rather unexpectedly last month. A family member also experienced another recent loss.
On a more worldly scale, we’ve seen international tragedy and loss, most publicly in the wars in Ukraine and Israel, but elsewhere, too. I recently read an article that noted, “The past two years have seen the most conflicts of any time since the end of the Second World War.”
On a writerly note, this year I heard the same message from two agents: that nobody is interested in reading about the pandemic, and so my memoir, so much of which focuses on the complex and bizarre world of cancer and healthcare during the height of the pandemic, also seems to be lost, too. One hard truth that I’ve digested about this is that others may be able to leave the pandemic behind, but it’s stuck with me in the trauma from that year. And I’m wondering if that’s maybe how others feel who are trapped in different sorts of loss or war or other conflict without a way to escape it. Others can turn off the TV, but when you’re in it, the loss is amplified. It eventually fades, but its echo can be haunting.
This is starting to feel like a rather pessimistic post while others are exclaiming about the joy of the holidays and New Year’s resolutions. Sorry about that! I’m not trying to finish this year out on a depressing note. There’s health in balance, so I think it’s helpful to consider ways to balance out a low year:
- Celebrate the positive. This year is also the year that I started my young adult cancer support group and started my work as a mentor with Firefly Sisterhood. It’s also the year I was hired to a permanent teaching position in a place I’m really happy and grateful to be. Sometimes the positive moments feel small when stacked against the losses, but we can shift our perspectives to celebrate what went right.
- Hold onto hope for 2024. Sometimes, when I feel more anxious or down about the world or the future, I realize that humans have an immense capacity for change. If you’re in a difficult situation, remember that things won’t always be this way. On a broad scope, I also do see a lot of promise for our future in my interactions with younger generations as a teacher.
- Pick something in your control. As one tiny person in this world, there’s not much I control in the big scheme of things. But I’ve found that when I make small changes to things I can control (choosing which groups or people to support, and how, for instance), I feel like I can still make a small difference. And those little ripples of impact can make big waves. ❤️
Words and Coffee Writing 
Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed reading your poem. I’m sorry 2023 had many hard moments and I love your hopeful points at the end. 2022 was my own worst year ever and I think for a while, I might have anxiety about new years, wondering it I might be another 2022-type year. But I’m putting it all in God’s hands now and forging ahead because time can’t be stopped 🙂
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Thanks for your comment! Yes, I definitely agree that new year anxiety is a thing! Relaxing and putting it in God’s hands is good advice. I find that when I’m impatient for something, I run into more obstacles; when I just relax and take life more slowly, I oddly have more time (and feel more at ease). 😀
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Very good post Sarah. You have to have hope and focus on your blessings and graces that we get on a daily basis. The fact that we live another day, the sun shines, friends, the beauty of nature, etc., have to give us strength to see another day. Live one day at a time and be able to give joy and happiness in everything and everybody. Hope and love will get us through the bad times and make us stronger human beings, not only for us but everyone we encounter in this world. Fred
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Thank you. Very true! ❤️
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Live one day at a time. Hope, love, joy, etc. and God is in charge. Whenever there is dark times in our life, the light will return. God takes care of His children. Keep the faith and belief and spend daily in giving joy and happiness because they will follow the challenges we face and makes us stronger human beings. Fred
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Don’t lose hope over your memoir. People may want to read it when the pandemic is a little further behind. As for me, I would love a pandemic story. There must be so many possible stories from that time. But then, although I don’t dismiss the seriousness of covid and the tragedy for many, for me the cessation of everything during lockdown provided a unique time of rest from all the stresses that existed at that time. Everything stopped, and suddenly there was peace. I suppose that just shows how stressful things outside the home were and how good homelife was for us. Not the case for everyone.
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Thanks! Yes, there were many relaxing moments during the pandemic that made me appreciate family and friends and the special tranquility of our place out in the countryside. I think the memoir may interest people more once they’re a bit further past the pandemic. I’m focusing my writing attention on fiction in the meantime.
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There is always a little good mixed with a little bad… Perspective can make all the difference! I’m remaining hopeful too that 2024 will be a better year (personally and globally)! Merry Christmas and a Hope filled New Year!
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Definitely! There is always hope (and good) even if we sometimes have to look a bit harder. Merry Christmas!
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This is the first time I have been able to get to your blog properly, as I need help to get to anyone’s blog. Thank you for this wonderful write up. I am so sad that there was no interest in your book. I would have loved to have read it. I had no idea that you had had cancer too. I am so glad that you survived. I too have lost cancer friends. I absolutely adore your poem, it is beautiful. I love your positive comments and I am so glad that you can find hope amongst all the other things. I don’t know a name to call you by but I really hope to be able to come to your blog more often now. I wish you the very very best for 2024.
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Hi Lorraine! I’m Sarah. I think we did chat on here a couple years ago about cancer treatment and your vision loss. Poetry is really powerful, and I’m grateful we have such a special community here. I’m glad that you enjoyed the poem and will chat with you again soon. 🙂
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