shimmer in the cerulean
holding out hope
for another day,
another year,
tomorrow yet again.
the waterfall bubbles
the way of emotions
all churned up and twisted,
boiled milk glazed over.
the thin veil clouding the top
of the hot chocolate mug,
the froth that pools
at the bottom,
and the hope that congeals
somewhere beneath the surface,
tender and uncertain.
It’s been a couple months since I’ve really been on WordPress. Work has been busy and overwhelming, but joy-filled overall. I did have difficulty returning to campus the first couple weeks; I just wanted to spend all day at home with my baby, and a few crazy thoughts crossed my mind: dreams of just throwing in the towel and moving our family off the grid to some place where we could afford to just live and not work so much. Beautiful impossibilities. Especially in this economy.
Family time has been wonderful whenever we can get it. I love watching the boys interact with their sister, and I love planning little family adventures around town or nearby. In a bold and naive move, we attempted to become a hockey family this past winter; it was expensive and meant an exorbitant amount of time dedicated to volunteering (47 hours of concession stand/rink cleaning/Zamboni/etc.!! on top of helping with every game). I mean, we did it. We survived, but damn. I don’t know how families can dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to a sport, especially one that aggressively consumes 5 months of the year. Maybe it’s because I’m clumsy and more dedicated to education than I’ll ever be to athletics. I mean, sports are fun, sure, but as a lifestyle? It’s 6/7. (Did I use that expression correctly?) Admittedly, I loved watching the boys enjoy themselves on the ice. Many families were kind. A few looked at us like we had three arms, maybe because we were outsiders, I guess? New to the game. We tried. And we’re apparently planning to try again next year. It’s amazing what you will do for the love of your children.
In other news, I’ve tried more than once to dedicate more time to reading and writing and physical activity, failed miserably a few times, and then refocused myself last week. I’ve abandoned my New Year’s Resolutions. Yes, already. In fact, by early February, they were blurs in the rearview. Generally, I tried to do too much without enough time, as usual. On our way back from our last hockey game of the season, an old lady neglected to notice the red light at an intersection and hit our car; everyone was okay, but I’ve spent a solid amount of time on the phone with insurance and the (fairly useless) AI systems that now run all phone calls to insurance companies. I’ve lost my cool on said phone calls. I’ve considered how I’d make a decent tragic hero if any fellow writers are looking for literary inspiration. I’ve baked butterscotch banana bread too many times to count.
Words and Coffee Writing 